he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
