You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
