time to smoke my breakfast
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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