glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize