can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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