I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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