I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
