You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize