If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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