if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize