you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
