is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
