I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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