went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
