All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she looked like the before picture.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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