is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
