I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
