You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
