i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont even know how to be here
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
