I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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