I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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