My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
