I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
