if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
