Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
