Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
