at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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