the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
