Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
