I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
