All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
