wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
