I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
