Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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