She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
