I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
