Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
