hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
