Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
