separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
