upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
