So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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