OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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