Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
