i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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