Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
