Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
