It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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