I think my vagina is haunted
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize