It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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