I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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