oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
