I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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