I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
