apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
