I cockslap morals
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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