I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
