two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
