"it" just moved
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
