Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
