My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize