What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
