Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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