I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
