i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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