I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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