We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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