I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
