Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
