i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
