Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize