Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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