I need to stop coming to work sober
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
